Motivation is a funny thing. It is helpful, but it doesn’t hang around too long.
My views on fitness used to be “all or nothing”. Because of that mindset, starting a fitness routine was always challenging for me. If I made one slip up with my nutrition, or missed one day of working out, I would give up, binge eat, and then say “oh well, I’ll start again Monday.”
I have been “starting again on Monday” for as long as I can remember. This is one of the main reasons you are reading this now, I need accountability and motivation. If you’re looking for the same thing, you’re in the right place.
Although it isn’t Monday, I am writing to you today about my journey. I hope to shed some light on fitness, mental health, and I want to help you with your journey, too.
My fitness journey is a long one that I am still figuring out, but that is exactly why we must remember: fitness is a journey.
Let’s dive in. I have always been insecure. Growing up, I was the tallest of all my friends, and one of the tallest in my class. In elementary school my best friend’s mom, in an effort to try to boost her daughter’s confidence would always say, “petite is sweet”. There I was, anything but petite, already feeling sorry for myself because I would never be petite. I would try to be proud of my height but I always had a lingering feeling of being “big”.
Speed up to college. People joke and warn you about the “Freshman 15” all the time. Well. Let. Me. Tell. You. That is a real thing.
Freshman year of college I gained 40 pounds. I was developing unhealthy habits- eating poorly. I stopped playing sports after high school and I rarely went to the gym. My roommate and I took a photo together at the end of the year when we moved out. I didn’t recognize myself. I had to see a cardiologist because I was having heart palpitations! I was unhealthy and unhappy. After a summer of being sad and feeling sorry for myself, I decided to make a change.
There is a difference between simply giving up and knowing when you have finally had enough. In September 2015, I had finally had enough. I threw myself into T25, a fitness program from Shaun T that required no equipment and was simply 25 minutes a day. I would work out at 11:30 at night sometimes to make sure I got the workout in, because while it was always a bit challenging, it made me feel good! I felt accomplished, I had less anxiety and I was sleeping better at night. I was gaining my confidence and health back. I lost a lot of that freshman 40 weight in just two short months… but I was restricting calories and working out every single day.
“Your lifestyle has to be enjoyable to be sustainable.”
Hannah Bower
Sounds perfect, right? Wrong. I was restricting too many calories and working out too often. 1100 calories a day, and not one single one more. I was not accounting for the extra exercise and adding more calories as needed. I was working out twice a day sometimes and it wasn’t attainable.
I eventually stopped my calorie restrictions and my everyday workouts and began going to the gym a few times a week instead. I maintained my weight around 150 pounds for a few years and I felt good. Never completely comfortable in my own skin, but feeling better all around when working out.
Enter: covid. I stopped going to the gym, I started eating very unhealthy, and I was drinking more than before. At the time, my job was extra stressful and I didn’t have the gym as an outlet; my outlet became food and alcohol. My all or nothing attitude was getting extremely unhealthy. I know what you’re thinking: excuses, excuses. Looking back I feel this way too. I pretty quickly crept back up to the 160s, now the 170s for my weight. I wasn’t feeling any better after eating junky foods, drinking wine, sugary sodas or eating ice cream. In fact, I was feeling more anxious and depressed than I had ever felt before. Despite this, I was stuck in the unhealthy habit cycle. My stress began manifesting in physical symptoms: migraines, nausea, late periods and palpitations again.
Present day: almost two year after covid started, things are getting back to “normal” and I’m trying to break into a better lifestyle. Working on the front lines of the pandemic challenges you and changes you, for better or for worse. I am trying to be changed for the better.
“It’s a beautiful day to be alive.”
Whitney Simmons
I always have lots of motivation in the beginning of a “fitness journey”. There’s something about a fresh start, there’s something about Mondays. Despite the motivation in the beginning, there are a lot of ways the devil tries to creep in and pull us back into our old habits. Working out is a privilege and a way to honor our bodies and respect ourselves.
As motivation launches me into a new fitness journey to end 2021, I have new goals for 2022. New Year’s is the ultimate Monday!
My goals are to maintain this lifestyle, and grow with it. I hope to be healthier and happier with less stress. I hope to be able to help other people find fitness by taking the personal trainer test in the new year. Finally, I hope you decide to learn and grow along the way with me!
For God gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and love and self-control.
2 Timothy 1:7
Wannabe Fitness Enthusiast 
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